As much as I like the occasional game of video Yahtzee, I really do not want to battle a digital version of myself in a sudden death round of it. I am just not that lucky at dice rolling.

Apparently, you can be 2% addicted to Facebook without even having a Facebook!

Tip o’ the Hat: Cracked (crudeness ahoy!)

So, reader Tony told me that I should get Facebook so that he can use that instead of a personalized communique to invite me to his birthday party.

What is wrong with the personalized touch? If he just wants to be lazy and only send a form invitation, he can act his age and do it via e-mail.

Oh, and apparently everyone is invited to his party. Not being one to publish other people’s e-mail addresses, you can try and reach him on his Xanga, but he has not used it since 2006.

I’m a little desperate for content today, so here goes:

White people like Facebook, so it must be bad.

That not a good enough reason for me to not want to be on Facebook, eh? Especially since I am “white”, eh? Maybe if we examine why they all joined Facebook in the first place:

“For a brief period of time, MySpace was the site where everyone kept their profile and managed their friendships. But soon, the service began to attract fake profiles, the wrong kind of white people, and struggling musicians.”

To be fair, MySpace is too cool for me, too. But, as we have discovered Saturday, I am the wrong kind of white person. All the white people were so scared of people like me that they needed an escape. An escape only Facebook could provide:

“Then Facebook came along and offered advanced privacy settings, closed networks, and a clean interface. […]  In spite of these advances, some white people still clung to their old MySpace accounts.  That was until they learned that Facebook started, like so many things beloved by white people, at Harvard.”

All my real-world friends would not want to associate with me, since they would be shunned by the white people. My joining Facebook would ruin their social lives; the cool kids would start throwing sand in their faces and call them nerd-lovers. So I must live the life of the non-social networked for them. And the children.

Facebook shut down administrator’s access to their “Impeach Nancy Pelosi” fan page (whatever that nonsense means)! They do not do that to various anti-conservative and anti-American pages and whatnot! Censorship! Bias!

So, Facebook hates all things American, like apple pie and shooting things! When will the madness stop!

Look! Barack Obama is on Facebook! This magazine took a screenshot of it [Warning: Foreign gibberish ahead]! Barack Obama only endorses evil things, ergo, Facebook is evil!

Tip of the Hat: McCain, The Other McCain

Why else would we need instructional videos like this one?

Tip of the Hat: Moe Lane