Random Thoughts

January 8, 2010

With apologies to Thomas Sowell:

*I guess I forgot to apologize to Thomas Sowell the last few times I did one of these. Am I the only one who gets the joke? And is the joke funny enough to keep doing it? The mind boggles. Or at least Scrabbles.

*A cardinal rule of life that I keep breaking: Never go to Chinese buffets for dinner. It’s the same quality and quantity of food that you would get for lunch, but they charge you $2-3 more. It’s a scam, I tells you.

*So, Marvel started their Siege event this Wednesday, and I picked up the “let’s follow Ben Urich around” miniseries (since they always have a “let’s follow Ben Urich around” miniseries and it usually has an interesting perspective on the events). And they had a parody of Glenn Beck pouting, singing the praises to Norman Osborn.

This was a little disconcerting. But it got me thinking, would conservatives actually support Norman Osborn if they did not have the benefit of knowing what’s going on it that Brillo pad shaped head of his like the comic book readers would? Let us examine the facts, shall we:


  • Since conservatives believe in absolutes and in redemption, one could make the argument that they would buy into Norman’s “I got better” facade.
  • Norman is heading up the international defense arm of the government and is sticking it to those terrorists who he is not secretly working with, so he is doing his job better than a typical government employee.
  • Norman does not care for Obama’s approval, betwixt the Air Force One incident in The Thunderbolts and not even bothering to answer Obama’s call once he starts his invasion plan of Asgard (which is currently residing in the Wasteland). That’s ballsy in a way that a conservative could admire.
  • He shot the Skrull Queen in the face.


  • We distrust big government, and HAMMER represents big government in a big way. It’s large, it’s international, it’s secretive, it’s leadership is appointed. A conservative would be wary of any governmental entity that claims to have our best interests in heart without proof.
  • One could also argue that Osborn’s cultus personalitae was built a little too well. Outside of a couple of incidents (Hawkeye busting into a live news broadcast to rant about Osborn, Spider-Man Youtubing some human experimentation Osborn was working on), one never sees Osborn presented in a negative light in the media. A conservative distrusts the “mainstream” media. There would be a segment of the conservative/libertarian movement that would be questioning Osborn just because the media seems to be for him.

It would be nice to see what a conservative journalist would think about all this but, unfortunately, there is not one. Ben Urich represents Old (liberal) Media. Sally Floyd represents New (liberal) Media. He’s New York Times; she’s Huffington Post. One could argue that J.J. Jamenson could be conservative, but he’s more comic relief and stereotype than actual character. That’s why we get Glenn Beck parodies.


Random Thoughts

December 4, 2009

*Do you think the Mohammadeans refuse to drink juice because it sounds too much like Jews?

*Sun Chips + Salsa = Good. Even when it’s the obviously inferior Harvest Cheddar

*It was surreal going to Denton’s Christmas Tree Lighting event. Near freezing weather, wassail hiding within Square stores, and an outdoor Polka concert (whoo, Brave Combo!). Hey, if Brave Combo, crazy Dentonites, and the bossman can stand around in the cold, so should the other wassail competitors.

*This week’s random thoughts are very food-centric.

Random Thoughts

November 27, 2009

*In the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sequels, they banned eating tomatoes. Isn’t that giving in to those fruit terrorists demands? I mean, if I was a killer tomato, I’d be killing people for eating my tomatoey brethren.

*Thinking of food, someone had the Whataburger spokesvoice leave a message on my phone about the A-1 Think ‘n’ Hearty Burger’s soon to be demise. I will now mourn the passing of this burger I have never eaten:

Oh, woe is me. The A-1 Thick ‘n’ Hearty Burger is soon to be no longer of this world. That mediocre steak sauce will never pass from a Whataburger to my lips. I will just have to get those onions on any other Whataburger. I will never eat that bacon-y bacon again. Alas.

*I got to spend a good $70 getting the title of my car transferred to me this week. The bureaucrat and I exchanged some barbs. I have not noticed the erosion of our American, God-given freedoms this much since having to pay taxes. What business does the government have in the sale of a car? Why should I have to pay a $10 “Gift Fee” because my parents gave me the car instead of selling it to me? Why do I have to transfer it within the government’s time instead of at my own leisure? Socialism!

*It’s hard to restart the “Random Thoughts” posts on a holy day weekend.

*I just got back from getting a autographed copy of Mike Huckabee’s new book. I guess John Hodgeman’s sequel is just going to have to wait so that I can see just how “giftable” Huck’s book is.

Random Thoughts

August 14, 2009

*Only the government would charge convenience fees…

So, I get my electricity from the city of Denton. They are going to close the City Hall in the Mall (where everybody goes to pay their electric bills) at the end of the month. I now have three choices:

  1. Figure out where the new electric office is going to be.
  2. Pay at one of their off-site locations (and pay an extra $1.50).
  3. Pay on-line (and pay an extra $4.50).

Any small business would love you to go to a third party or a website to buy their stuff (if they are set up to do so). It lowers the cost of labor by either shifting the majority of the labor the third party (as in the case of a retailer) or lowering the number of employees to process a sale (1 webmaster over many sales vs. multiple tellers for the same number of sales).

And people want the government (who charges you extra for reducing their labor costs!) in charge of things like health care. Stupid.

*Is it just me, or is Obama going to become the “Mr. President” character from “Death Race 2000“? A lot of things “Mr. P” does is the next logical step to what Obama is doing.

  • Both hate opposition. Obama regularly insults people against his steam-roller of Euro-socialistic death; “Mr. P” quashed his opposition by making all opinions other than those of his “Bipartisan Party” unavailable.
  • Both hate the free exchange of ideas. Obama has his snitch e-mail; “Mr. P” killed phone service.
  • Both hate old people. Obamacare will let bureaucrats get to ultimately decide if Grandma is worth keeping alive; “Mr. P” has Euthanasia Day, where they wheel out the old folk to get brutally murdered by Death Race participants.
  • Both has a cultus personalitae. Obama has Olbermann; “Mr. P” has “Bipartisan Party Deacons”, who offer prayers to him as if he were a god.
  • Both pass the blame. Obama blames “the previous administration”; “Mr. P” blames the French.
  • Both like the “Black Power” fist bump. “Mr. P” likes it so much he put it on the flag.

Am I that far off?

*How many weasels do you think you can fit in a bowling ball?

*Have you ever tried to deposit some checks whilst wearing a foam mascot suit? It is more difficult than it looks. And I bet it looked rather difficult.

Random Thoughts

August 7, 2009

With apologies to Thomas Sowell:

* Would it not be hilarious if the Super Mario Brothers opened up a School of Offensive Italian Stereotypes?

“It’sa me, Mario! Looka at all the courses that you cana be takin’ at Mario’s School of Offensive Italian Stereotypes:

  • Workin’ fora the mob (thosea turtles woulda not paya thier union dues!)
  • Chef Boyardee: eatin’ offensively ona a budget
  • Talkin’ witha your hands
  • Being greasy and swarthy while nota being Greek
  • “That’s a spicy meataball”: fireball throwin fora the beginners
  • Speakin the broken English (thatsa what wea speak at the home)
  • Drinkin espresso anda makin’ fun of the coffee.

Anda my personala favorite:

  • Mustachio growing: a waya ofa life

Joina in today, and I’lla throw in a free mustachio comb! The Irish, theya need not apply”

*How wrong would it be to call into one of those radio request programs and ask them to play something that is obviously not in their library, like “Disco Duck”, “Ain’t Going Down on Brokeback Mountain”, “The Battle of New Orleans”, “Alice’s Restaurant”, or “Albuquerque”? And why is that such a compulsion for me?

*I hit the big 10,000 Gamerscore (X-Box 360 achievement bragging rights, for the uninitiated) this week (sadly, with Need for Speed: Carbon). Another sad Gamerscore tidbit? 2 hours playing Dirt’s career mode has got me the same Gamerscore as NfS:C, with twice the achievements.

Random Thoughts

July 29, 2009

With apologies to Thomas Sowell:

*I watched Killer Tomatoes Eat France over the weekend, and, man, was I disappointed. Not only were the protagonists trying to save France (by restoring the French monarchy), there was very little Killer Tomatoes squashing dirty Frenchmen. I can only recall one person (the tour guide for the evil henchman’s castle tour) even being eaten.

False advertising, I tell you. Not even Gomez Adams and the movie’s attempt to dispel the stereotype that French women are supposed to be thin and attractive could save it.

*Is there any candy both more wasteful and more tasty than Starbursts? 12 individually wrapped pieces of gooey delight bound together in another wrapper. Now ‘n’ Later come wrapped in bits of 18 individually wrapped pieces, grouped together by flavor (with wrapping), and bound together with a third layer of wrapping, but I have no luck with them. They are either semi-melted, making removing them from their packaging a pain, or rock-hard. Apparently, they only have a shelf life of one month (they oxidize).

*Is it just me, or does Cap ‘n’ Trade sound like a generic brand cereal?

Too poor or cheap to get Cap’n Crunch? Try Cap’n Trade! All the “deliciousness” of Cap’n Crunch, but for a whole lot less! With Cap’n Crunch, you have to pay for advertising and carbon emissions to power their infernal cereal making machines. Cap’n Trade does not advertise and uses Third-world slave labor to assemble our cereal in an eco-friendly way! Of course, you cannot afford Cap’n Crunch anymore since we took your ability to use internal combustion engines away and now you are unemployed, so you will be buying Cap’n Trade, if anything at all…

*Is it not ironic that “monosyllabic” is not a monosyllabic word?

*UPDATE: Yes, I know this is normally a Friday thing, but I hit the post button accidentally. Maybe I’ll do a bonus post on Friday. Maybe next week’s will be extra long. Who knows…

Random Thoughts

July 24, 2009

With apologies to Thomas Sowell:

*I’m trying to decide which is more painful: getting rejected by a potential employer or a potential girlfriend. Seeing as I have experience with both, one would think it would be easy.

On the one hand, the first date rejection is intensely painful, even when they try to soften the blow with the “just be friends” line. At least they found some value in you, or they would have busted out the Mace (or ran away screaming). But, a weekend of drowning your sorrows with Jones Cream Soda and video games tend to make it go away.

On the other hand, the career job rejection is a long, slow burn. You are constantly bombarded by the fact that you are still slinging coffee for minimum wage. And there is no way from the rejecter to sugar coat it in any satisfactory way. They do not, for example, offer you a lesser job (since career track jobs tend to start at entry level).

Either way, it stinks.

*Speaking of bad potential employer relations, I am going to start boycotting companies that do not respond whenever you apply for a job. Two weeks is plenty of time to at least give a “hey, thanks for trying, but we found somebody who does not creep us out” e-mail or phone call. I can think of a good half-dozen jobs I have applied for over the years and have STILL not received any kind of acknowledgment.

If would not be fair to retroactively punish them for it. This is your only warning, companies that solicit applications.

*Watching Simpsons episode commentaries, you learn things. Here are two things I have learned:

1) Conan O’Brien wrote for the Simpsons, starting in Season 4 and ending whenever he got his late night show.

2) Conan O’Brien spent 90% of his first episode commentary talking about how great his late night show job is and not about things pertinent to the episode in question. Egotistical jerk. At least John Lovitz had the courtesy to focus on the episode when he took part in a commentary session…