Anti-Facebook Statement ‘o the Day: White People Like It

January 11, 2010


I’m a little desperate for content today, so here goes:

White people like Facebook, so it must be bad.

That not a good enough reason for me to not want to be on Facebook, eh? Especially since I am “white”, eh? Maybe if we examine why they all joined Facebook in the first place:

“For a brief period of time, MySpace was the site where everyone kept their profile and managed their friendships. But soon, the service began to attract fake profiles, the wrong kind of white people, and struggling musicians.”

To be fair, MySpace is too cool for me, too. But, as we have discovered Saturday, I am the wrong kind of white person. All the white people were so scared of people like me that they needed an escape. An escape only Facebook could provide:

“Then Facebook came along and offered advanced privacy settings, closed networks, and a clean interface. […]  In spite of these advances, some white people still clung to their old MySpace accounts.  That was until they learned that Facebook started, like so many things beloved by white people, at Harvard.”

All my real-world friends would not want to associate with me, since they would be shunned by the white people. My joining Facebook would ruin their social lives; the cool kids would start throwing sand in their faces and call them nerd-lovers. So I must live the life of the non-social networked for them. And the children.

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