Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom!: With His Mighty Laser Fire Breath

December 14, 2009


You’ve seen all those movies we made speaking truth to power about the Iraq “War”, America’s latest crime against humanity. Now here is a tale of the evils of that other quagmire of a “war”: the United States battle against the freedom fighting Taliban. Starring William Shatner and Nichelle Nichols as two journalists trying to expose American war crimes:

“Look at all the dead horses!”

“Yes, isn’t that the American way? Get horses addicted to opium and, when they charge to try and get their next fix, shoot them in the head? Oh, the humanity!’

Leonard Nimoy as the abusive, power-hungry base commander:

“According to the Patriot Act, you may ask one question, and then I get to shoot you.”

“Are you sure that’s in there? I mean I -”


“My generic concept of a Greco-Roman diety! You killed Fred Redshirt!”

“The army has taught me to shoot to kill, so I shoot to kill. Next question.”

[gun cocking noise]

George Takei as the freedom fighting Taliban leader:

“I’m from San Fransis…, I mean, Kabul.”

and DeForest Kelley as a drunken ex-President that slaughters poor freedom fighters for political gain:

“Give me back my Billy Beer! It just isn’t the same to commit war crimes while sober!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ex-President, but those Mohammadean scum somehow got the notion that alcohol is the devil. And the Geneva Conventions say that we can’t be drinkin’ in front of them.”

“To [expletive deleted] with those [expletive deleted] sand [expletive deleted] and their [expletive deleted] Geneva Conventions! We’re gonna soak them in pig’s blood and electrocute their genitals ’til they pop! Why should I care about their [expletive deleted] prisoner of war rights! I’m a former head of state, not a diplomat!”

Coming soon to a theatre near you: Opium Butterflies.


“I do say, Hollywood certainly produces Oscar-worthy movies in a hurry when being threatened by former television stars who have gained super-powers,” Professor Key-Os noted.

“Stop wasting precious energy doing intel. It is bad enough we are flying to Hollywood. Poor Gaia must be crying, considering all of the excess carbon dioxide we are releasing into her sky.”

“Meh, I still think we should be using my Union longboat, with 14,000 oarsmen and 20,000 English majors, see. It is the appropriate for an union boss like me!”

“Wait, was it not 20,000 oarsmen and 14,000 English majors?”

“I found a way to make my union transport even more inefficient!”

“Excuse me, this is your captain speaking. We will be landing on Rodeo Drive in 5 minutes. Apparently, we are in too much of a hurry to land at the airport like normal 747’s carrying the President of the United States. But what do I know? I am just a professional pilot.”


In retrospect, it was probably not a good idea to command Air Force One to land on Rodeo Drive, for Shatner and his crew saw the plane coming in. Shatner transformed into a mechanical pterodactyl and clawed at the landing gear. George Takei blasted the plane with his laser fire breath. Air Force One caught fire and crashed.


Of course the Cabinet survives. But how will they fare against the combined might of the original cast of Star Trek? Find out next time!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: