Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #13

December 11, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:

“I, Chuck Norris, Philosopher King of Texas, wish to announce that I have set the city of Copenhagen on fire for hosting a conference on climate bullying. Since it is Advent, I roasted chestnuts on that fiery blaze while delivering blazing hot roundhouse kicks to those firemen foolish enough to try and stop my inferno of justice. The chestnuts were delicious. Excessive burning of carbon dioxide makes the sweetest sauce.

As the dutiful head-of-state for the mighty Kingdom of Texas, I attended this conference in an effort to crush those fools into submission for daring to rise against Western civilization. In retrospect, I should have realized that no amount of persuasion or pain would cause the environmentalists to repent of their ways. If the CRU e-mail scandal on top of the mounting evidence that anthropomorphic global warming is just a peyote-induced hallucination was not enough to change their minds, seeing me kick the brains out of leading ‘climate change’ ‘scientists’ would not do it either.

While I am happy that I won the “Highest Carbon Footprint to Attend” Award (I rode in on a ICBM-pulled sleigh), it seemed a little silly to be giving out an award like that to begin with. I mean, the losers combined carbon dioxide emissions was 40,584 tons. Do they not think carbon dioxide is the enemy?

For the sins of hypocrisy, stupidity, and anti-human sentiments, I made the streets of Copenhagen run red with blood and fire. Oppose these ‘climate change’ fools, or prepared to be destroyed!”

The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris.


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