Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom!: Delegating Responsibility

July 24, 2009

The Secret Cabinet lounge around, trying to figure out ways to reduce CO2 emissions to pre-colonial levels. The only one excited by the prospect is Yew-Man

“We should ban internal combustion, and electricity, and eating meat, and chemicals, and, and, and…” Yew Man passes out. He forgot to breathe.

“Mayhaps if we offer cash to individuals who break down concrete into arable land so that people can start collective farms…” Professor Key-Os poses.


“Oh, the pain! The pain!” screams Steam Moose, still trapped with the Hollywood Shambler and filled with squirrels.

“Meh, this is hard, see. Maybe we should delegate this to Congress, see?”

“Good idea, Red Mobster. I have to start interviewing candidates to replace the fair Femi-Nazi, anyways.”


Red Mobster approaches the offices of Nancy Pelosi cautiously. He heard stories of her and they were not pretty. The stories did not mention that the hallway to her office was filled with skeletal remains of children, that were gnawed on. He can hear her on the phone as he opens the door.

“We need to do it for the children; the sweet, succulent children!”


She hung up her phone and looked up at the crimson gangster.

“What can Grandma Pelosi do for you, my child?”

“Umm, what’s with all the skulls, see?”

“Well, my child, my biological children keep making grandkids and I have to do something with them. You try and warn your kids of the dangers of procreative sex, but they just don’t listen…”

“Meh, see. I don’t follow, see.”

“I eat the flesh of my grandchildren to keep my youth and beauty.”

“Meh, and you think it’s working?”

“You should see how I looked before I started eating my grandchildren.” Pelosi holds up a photograph, made back when pictures were sepia. Red Mobster faints.

“Oh, Henry? Would you be a dear and revive out guest? Oh, and bring me one of my grandchildren. I want to spend more time with them… in my digestive tract.”

A creature made of wax oozes out of her closet and hovers menacingly over the scarlet union boss.


Will the Red Mobster survive his meeting with the Speaker of the House? Will Professor Key-Os prove interesting interviewing people? Will the Steam Moose escape from the zombie cage?

Find out next time.


2 Responses to “Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom!: Delegating Responsibility”

  1. Tony G Says:

    The Wax Man cometh…

  2. Tony G Says:

    The Wax Man Cometh!!! Muahahaha!!!
    The Wax Man will relentlessly pursue evil since he cannot be stopped by this supposed “deadliest mortal ever to live: Chuck Norris!” Muahahahahaha!!!!

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