Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #9

July 15, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:

“Obama is using the secret society known as the Federal Reserveto bolster tyrannical Mohammadeans in Iran! This madness has to stop!

I, Chuck Norris, Philosopher King of Texas, have used my beard’s telepathic powers to determine that Obama is using the Federal Reserve’s intrest rate manipulation to fund the Ayatollah’s protest suppression program. The streets of Iran are running red with the blood of the saner pagans in Tehran and Obama is contributing to the flow!

He is just like Carter! I roundhouse kicked Carter for failing America back in the day. If it were not for the miles of Secret Service guards protecting him, I surely would have crushed him into powder with the blow I delivered! As it is, hundreds of thousands of good men assigned to protect the cretin died and Carter was only given permanent brain damage. I am sorry, my subjects, for indirectly causing Carter to cozy up to Hamas.

And the Federal Reserve is unconstitutional, anyways! When I conquer D.C. for my kingdom, I will make sure to topple that corrupt, secret regime that is assisting Obama in destroying America’s credit score! That blood will be on your hands too, Obama, if you do not stop that monetary Illuminati first!

Defeat the Iranian death-cult and the Federal Reserve, or you will be destroyed!”

The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris.

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