Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #8
June 24, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:
“The Kingdom of Texas stands in solidarity with Catholic Answers! They are rebelling against the Internal Revenue Service, who has demanded they sacrifice 47 virgins to Mammon for daring to say that John Kerry should have been excommunicated in 2004. I say nay to income taxes!
Income taxes are the scourge of the earth! They and everyone who supports them should be burned; the street will run red with the corpses of people who think paying taxes is patriotic! My beard’s fire breath WILL consume any taxmen I come across, but we need to help others who wish to oppose their terrible regime! I will supply weapons and martial arts training to any Catholic who wishes to maim and exterminate the auditor infestation in those United States!
Who can oppose me? Ninjas, being jealous of how I am better than them in every way, attack me at every sunrise! I easily defeat them and then eat their succulent brains and hearts for breakfast! They are tasty and I enjoy eating them!
The Founding Fathers offered some muskets when I told them of my plan, which I respectfully declined. They need those guns to kill Lobsterbacks; we need bazookas to kill IRS bloodsuckers.
So, kill the IRS menance in your midst, or you will be destroyed!”
The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris.