Killing With an Anti-Stab Knife: A Guide

June 17, 2009

So, apparently one Mr. Cornock invented an “anti-stab” knife.

Round-nosed knives designed by John Cornock

He figured (paraphrasing) – If I make the tip of the knife round, people can’t kill each other!

That is patently insulting to murderous housewives everywhere! Stabbing is not the only way to kill something with a knife; in fact, stabbing is the most difficult. It takes a lot of upper body strength to stab somebody with a knife. This would be like designing a gun that cannot accurately shoot something in the eye, but otherwise functions normally. It might make the weapon more difficult for certain people to use murderously, but multiple gunshot to the gut will kill too.

So, if you want to commit murder most foul and only have one of these anti-stab knives handy, here is how you can do it:

  • Make sure the sharp part of the knife is well maintained. If it has been sharpened recently and there are no visible damage, one should be fine.
  • Make a slashing motion, cutting into a major artery. The best artery to slash is the femoral (in the thigh), if you can cut deep enough, but the carotids (neck), and the brachials (upper arm) are closer to the surface.
  • Repeat as necessary.
  • Conversely, make a slashing motion, cutting though the abdominal muscles. Guts will spill out when done properly. Cutting mesentary arteries (they are in the sack stuff holding the intestines in place), renal arteries (in the back, going into the kidneys), or the intestines themselves can easily be done with slashing motions.

And I did not even have to cheat by advising would be murderers to “sharpen [the] tip with a rock“, like Frank J. (Tip of the Hat) did. Amazing what a Biology degree can tell you, huh?


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