Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #6

June 15, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:

“Since those pitiful fools in Washington have still not acknowledged my rightful position as Philosopher King of Texas, I will still offer my two cents in their pitiful elections.

As you may have already heard, I have appointed Dr. Ron “No” Paul as Head of Obstruction to crush the hopes of foolish liberals trying to undermine my iron-clad might with sodomite marriages and hippie coddling! His furious fists of denial will crush the skulls of those fools into powder, which he will then heal so he can do it again!

I am also proactively declaring the following people as provincial governors of their respective states, once I have conquered them for the great Kingdom of Texas: John Kasich of Ohio, Bob Vander Plaats of Iowa, and Judge Roy Moore of Alabama. They are currently running for governors of their respective states. If you want a smooth transition from the United States into the Kingdom of Texas, you better vote for these men! Otherwise, your state capitals will run red with the blood of your puny administrators!

Who can dare stop me? I eats sunflower seeds by the bagful, including the hard husks indigestible to you “normal” humans! They are a delicious source of fiber and the only good use for flowers of any sort!

So, vote as I wish, or you will be destroyed!”

The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris.

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