Read a Book: The History of Farting

June 12, 2009

Sometimes, your roommate throws a book at you before leaving on a roadtrip to Omaha. Sometimes, that book is entitled “The History of Farting.” And, sometimes you just have to semi-liveblog about it.

Here at Liber Ex Machina, we have a policy to only liveblog about inconsequential things. And reading a book about farting is as inconsequential as one can get. So, as soon as I get set up after stopping my computer from asking me to reset it, I will get started.

Okay, so that 5 minute break turned into a 2 hour one, filled with showering, Price is Right, Jeopardy, and lunch, but I am about to get started. Let’s get the “judging a book by it’s cover” thing done first. I note that the roommate paid a whooping $3.98 for this classic piece of literature. I also note that the author’s name is supposedly “Dr. Benjamin Bart”. Teehee; “Bart” rhymes with “fart”.

On that note, I am going to have a running tally of me laughing like a schoolyard boy over potty-humor words. Current count: 1.

I will start reading 12:10 local time, posting in huge typed chunks. Spelling will be checked at the end.

12:11 (page 7)- Heehee. Anus.

12:13 (page 10)- Heehee. Rip (Giggle count:3)

12:14 (page 11)- How could that lady blow up a cow with a fart? Tell me! Oh, wait. It is an unpictured Fred who blew up a cow with a fart. That makes sense.

12:17 (page 19)- I think Carruthers smells like that all the time. Don’t you?

12:19 (page 23)- Chapter 1 done.

12:20 (page 24)- What is a dunny? Anybody know? Is it the same thing as a loo? I’ll just assume and move on.

12:24 (page 38)- Heehee. Rump. Eww… lump. (Giggle count:4)

12:25 (page 39)- What does it mean when Descartes farts? A question for the ages.

12:26 (page 40)- War crimes!

12:28 (page 49)- Chapter 2 done. Going to take a quick break to handle some comments.

12:30- Back. Heehee; back.

12:32 (page 52)- Heehee. Rectum. (gigglecount: 5)

12:35 (page 59)- Chapter 3 done. Rather lame chapter about a vaudeville farter. On to Chapter 4!

12:36 (page 60)- Hooray! Back to limericks!

12:38 (page 65)- Eww… Horrible way to die.

12:39 (page 67)- Chapter 5 awaits. Ooooh. Physiology.

12: 41 (page 71)- How does one blow out the sidesof a nightgown with a fart? One would think the material would not hold in the pressure enough to take out the stitching. The path of least resistance would probably be typical wear points (the bum [hee; bum], mayhaps the knees).

12:46 (page 75)- Interesting. Borborygmus is fancy-smancy term for the gurgling sounds your digestive tracts make. Learn something new.

12:48 (page 82)- Chapter 5 down. Now to the glossary chapter.

12:51 (page 86-7)- Bathtub farts. Watch the gases be expelled in all it’s visual glory!

12:53 (page 88)- Lighting farts. Classic.

12:55 (page 92)- Dogs are not people. Dogs are dogs. One would think a doctor could tell the difference.

12:57 (page 96)- Hippie. Capitalize God, especially when you are thanking him for making elephants too big to be kept indoors.

1:01 (page 107)- I farted. While reading about the old Icelandic saying “everyone likes the smell of his own fart”. Ironic, is it not?

1:04 (page 114)- Kamikaze farters. This reminds me of part of my “cows trying to destroy us all” conspiracy theory. Remind me to talk about it one day.

1:10 (page 132)- I farted again. No real irony this time.

1:16 (page 147)- I need to start including “yuff” in my everyday language.

1:21 (page 159)- It makes perfect sense. Levitation acts are caused by massive farts! Magicians watched the yogis do it and caught on. Probably due to the smell.

1:22- and done.

Well, once you take the time out for typing and whatnot, I finished it in an hour. Mildly amusing. No scratch ‘n’ sniff section, fortunately or not. Good for a laugh or two.

Read a Book!


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