Once Again, We See That All Zombies Should be Shot in the Face Until They Stop Twitching

June 4, 2009


The notoriously soft on zombie crime Moe Lane has accused me of being some kind of racist for adamantly opposing illegal immigrant zombies from collecting Social Security.

While I can cite evidence that your “Cravens” lust after human flesh just as much as the “Romeros” do, Mr. Lane, they are a danger to society even if they do not. While it cannot spread itszombie condition through salivary contact, a sufficient amount of the zombie powder used to keep a voodoo zombie animated could be inhaled to induce zombie-ism to those with intimate contact with it. And, in the case of Orneuve, he has been a zombie for at least a year before jumping the border; are you seriously going to argue that decomposition has not set in (which would make him a vector for various diseases, plus a site for tropical fly breeding)? And, since voodoo zombies are not capable of independent thought (like the “Romeros” are, if it is a little single-minded), they must be controlled by a voodoo witch doctor; once tasting the perverse power of that black magic, are you going to argue that Orneuve’s handler is not trying to convert the homeless of the Miami-Dade area into a hoard of the night? I laugh at your naivete.

Those “extenuating circumstances” are laughable, too.

Do we really know that Orneuve has been keeping out of trouble? Outside of the obviously biased story in that paper of record (they could not even be bothered to get a quote from an anti-zombie person), the mainstream media has been quite quiet about this Orneuve situation. Too quiet, someone might say before being mauled by the shambling undead. Maybe the few journalists out there who are not rabidly pro-zombie do not wish to dig into Orneuve’s time in America, fearing of being accused of vitalism (which, as we know, is the kiss of death in the MSM). Someone from Miami, speak up! If anyone can adequately answer the question, it would be those that had to fight off a zombie hoard. That, and homeless disappearances are notoriously under-reported.

Just because Orneuve would be considered property under Hiatian law does not necessarily mean it is in a better situation here. Any effort to grant Orneuve rights befitting man would fall flat. It takes expert skills to maintain a voodoo zombie; prosecuting Orneuve’s handler for slavery would just lead to Orneuve’s release from being part of the shambling undead. Is that what you really want, Mr. Lane?

And what is with the pro-zombie talking point that, since I am against the voodoo zombie getting Social Security, I must be for the “Romero” zombie? We can (and need) to stand against both types of zombie hoards. Why must the pro-zombies ignore the majority of Americans, who are against ALL types of zombies? Simple; they want to convince the average American that appeasing the voodoo zombie lobby is mainstream. Next you will be arguing that we should acknowledge zombie civil unions and allow zombies to adopt what they would consider sweet, succulent children.

So, in conclusion, we need a gun in every red-blooded American’s hand and a multiple bullets in every zombie head.

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2 Responses to “Once Again, We See That All Zombies Should be Shot in the Face Until They Stop Twitching”

  1. Tony G Says:

    I prefer the non-PC terms of “Freaks” and “Normies”

  2. liberexmachina Says:

    I’m sorry, but those ARE PC terms.

    The pro-zombie crowd wants you to think the voodoo zombies are just “normal” undead trying to live their unlives while the “Romeros” are the zombie extremists, feasting on human flesh and forcing others into thier zombie curse.

    The only reason to distinguish betwixt the “Cravens” and “Romeros” is for epidemiology purposes (and the “Cravens” can be controlled with voodoo magic). If you want to avoid the shame of becoming a zombie: use face masks while around “Cravens” and do not make physical contact with “Romeros”. Of course, remember to aim for the head (that should go without saying).


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