Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #5

April 29, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:

“I, Chuck Norris, declare war on public education. It pollutes the minds of our children and makes them unfit to perform those tasks necessary for good citizenship like balancing a checkbook, reading a written proclamation by their Philosopher-King, voting for officials the Philosopher-King deems unworthy of his direct appointment, or roundhouse kick a traitor in the face through a mile-thick wall. In fact, children would be better off without any education than to be filled with the indoctrination that goes by the name “public education”. We must crush the public school system before it is too late.

Private schools can still be around for those parents too lazy to teach their children directly (I personally home schooled the 1000’s of children I have conceived in between my exploits). But the public school halls will run red with the union-enslaved educators that refuse to bow to my demands of unilateral surrender!

Who can possibly stop me? I sired 1000’s of children, most of whom serve as officers in my new Texas Ranger corp, guarding our borders from pesky Okies. I force-fed them all the knowledge of the universe within minutes using a funnel, a spinal tap, and my almost unlimited telepathic powers. I am willing to do the same for any child hampered by the public school system.

So, to war against public schools, or prepared to be destroyed!”

The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris


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