(Pathetic) Adventures in Board Games: Round Zero

April 18, 2009

The munchkins awoke trapped within the entrance of a dank dungeon.
The narrow stairs lead to a barred door to the outside world. Some hard shaking should be able to loosen the locks. They were prisoners, for they have broken the laws of their kingdom, ever so loosely based on medieval Europe. They were about to try to escape right then and there. Too bad one of them kicked a rock.

“‘Allo, ‘allo, ‘allo, what’s all this then?” the disembodied voice queried.

The munchkins jumps at that. It’s not everyday you are addressed by a disembodied voice; especially one with a really bad cockney accent.

“‘Welcome to me dungeon, chaps. No more than one of you may earn the right to escape. ‘Ere are many dangers in me dungeon; there are some tools to get you started. You may begin to prove your worth in an ‘our. Feel free to get to know each other until then. Tally-‘oh!”


Brave but puny Warwick spoke up first, “What are you in for? I failed the King’s Physical Fitness Test for the 14th time. I kept saying that the 15th time would be the charm, but they would not believe me.”

“I’m a heretic,” Clarence volunteered, “I cannot stop committing the unpardonable sin, which, as you know, is tearing off tags from mattresses, according to our vaguely secular culture. Why should we care if our mattresses are approved by California’s fire code? Why? California does not even exist!”

Thaddeus jingles as he moves,”Just because I like to wear bells, the rest of the Guild thinks I’m too much of a nuisance. They ratted me out! Jerks.”

“I killed the King’s prized artichoke.”

The others gasped.

“It was an accident,” William panicked, “I was trying to use my magic to burn the weeds and missed.”


And so begins their quest to kill the monsters, steal the treasure, and stab each other. What perils shall they face? What swag shall they get? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of the Tootsie Pop? Who will escape? Even I (the intrepid GM) don’t even know.


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