Life of LEM: Thinkin’ About Cat Ladies

April 2, 2009

Occasionally, weird ideas pop into my head. Sometimes, I explore them at work. Tonight the idea was about cat ladies and other animal hoarders.

I was thinking of getting a second snake if I got a new teaching job (class pet) or if Operation: Yearly Rejection again ends with my yearly rejection. The first title for that operation that popped into my head was “Operation: One Step Closer to Becoming a Cat Lady”. The implied creepiness made me pause; did I want to be the creepy snake guy, that lives alone and only socializes with my numerous snakes, communicating with some sort of hissing noise? I’m sure Eleanor Abernathy, the Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons, did not intentionally throw away her career as a lawyer/doctor to hurl cats at passersby, spouting gibberish. There must be some sort of point of no return, where one’s life revolves so intimately around one’s pets that hoarding more does not seem to be that big of a deal. I set out to figure it out, using the oh-so-unscientific method of polling coffee patrons.

You can help too! Just answer the following questions in the comments and I’ll tabulate them in:

  • How many cats would someone need to have in order to be considered a “cat lady”?
  • How would that number change if the cats are used in useful pursuits (exemplia gratia, mousers, trained turkey hunters, et cetera)?
  • Does number matter more than qualitative aspects (exemplia gratia, number of cat t-shirts owned, grooming one’s cat(s) with one(s) tongue, only having cat food on premises) of one’s relationship with one’s pet(s)?
  • What about other animals, such as ferrets or Madagascan Hissing Cockroaches?

I’ll tabulate the responses and present my very unscientific results (to be entitled something alone the lines of “The Universal Theory of Cat Ladies”) some time soon.

And, this has been a very pet-centric couple of days here, has it not? I guess hippie eco-rants have brought it out of me; I promise to do better later.


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