Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom: Drug Rationing for Fun and Profit

February 18, 2009

President Barack Obama waves and learns the door on Marine One ...


After his successful mission to free the Guantanamo Bay detainees, Barack Obama, feeling powerful and arrogant, forgot to stoop while getting on Marine Force One.

‘I lost whole seconds of thought because of that stupid door. It’s bad enough that human house doors look so similar to the windows of my office. They cannot make helicopters with clearance for an alien in a human suit? For shame… Wait a second; if I lost scheming time because of a bump on my head, the humans will certainly lose more for other minor injuries.’

 He calls up his minions in Congress while on the helicopter.

“I have an idea.”



“In other news today, Barack Obama appointed elusive action hero star Chaz Remington to head up the new Office of the National Coordinator of Health Information Technology. This new governmental program will stimulate the economy by streamlining medical records. Every patient’s chart will be electronically stored by this new office, making transfers between doctors reliable and easy. No more having to wait for your general practitioner to fax your chart over to your plastic surgeon! Isn’t that great, America?”

“Sure is, Ms. Dorlene Martinez. And the government will protect you from unnecessary treatments! Wowie!”

“Quiet, worthless male ‘co-anchor’. And Chaz Remington is but one of the many perfect choices Obama could have made to fill this important, economy-saving post. I mean, they are both celebrities that have bodies to die for. Just thinking about that Platonic love these two hunks have for each other gives me chills.”

“I concur.”

Ms. Martinez throws her mug of steaming hot coffee in the puffy face of the nameless “co-anchor. “Go get me more coffee, you fool. We now go live to Mr. Remington’s first press conference, which is filled with dastardly right-wing radicals that Obama, in the spirit of bipartisanship, has allowed to bask in the radiant glory of his newest member of his staff.”

The feed turns to a camera knocked on it’s side, drenched in blood splatter as journalists either try to escape in fear or futilely shoot towards The Hollywood Shambler. The zombie feeds on their flesh, sucking their brains out in messy gulps. There will be no survivors once the shambler is done trying to fill his never-ending hunger on pudgy, pale personalities.


Obama, bemused by his sinister plan, sits smugly in his fancy leather office chair. His worthless Chicago human aide looks stunned at the blank television screen, so shocked by the gruesome events splayed on the screen that he still has not realized it is off.

“You think that is shocking, minion? Just wait until they hear that one has to get approval from that office to be given medical treatment. Soon, America will be begging to be controlled by a race of benevolently tyrannical aliens. Bwa Ha Ha!”


Obama put a zombie in charge of determining whether sick people get treatment or not? Is that a little too much like letting the fox decide which chicken does not have its eyes plucked out before being put into the coop? What other evil does he wish to inflict on us? Tune in next time!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: