Operation: Yearly Rejection is Overdue…

February 3, 2009

So, February is upon us like a short-tailed lemur, looming o’er head. Most people’s thoughts start to turn to love around this time of year. Me, being the awkward social pessimist that I am, start to think about how I am going to be rejected again.

Operation: Yearly Rejection is my yearly attempt to see if the girls my age are ready to settle on me. I started this when I was in graduate school; I figured I need to sort of start to try dating before I am completely blind and bald. The idea is that, once a year, I ask someone out. When I get rejected, I know that the typical date-able girl is still pining over the much overrated “jock/jerk” demographic so I can go another year of perpetual bachelorhood content that boring, relatively stable me has no chance on the dating scene. If, on the infinitesimally small chance that the girl says yes, it would show that a statistically significant portion of the date-able female population is ready to tolerate my glaring flaws and, if that relationship fails, I should put forth some effort.

This is how Operation: Yearly Rejection has historically gone:

Years 1 and 2:

Develop a crush on a girl. Let it fester for 6 months or so. Mean to ask her out for 3 months or so, chickening out every time. Stay up all night drinking Jones soda. Ask her out in a sleep-deprived state. Get rejected. Mope for 2 to 3 months.

Year 2, I slightly modified the above rouitine by throwing in grand romantic gestures (fish discs out of a pond, tulips).

Year 3:

Unintentionally rescue girl I had no interest in from old roommate, who was sitting on her (I sat on them both, which is not exactly the right way to do it if the goal was to get her to like me; the old roommate said we were all too afraid to help the girl out. I showed him). Get ragged on by old roommate for months. Come up with quite possibly the worst pick up line in the history of cheesy pick up lines (“Are you going to repent of your wicked, liberal ways, or is your secret love for me going to remain unrequited?”). Use line. Get rejected. Freed myself from roommate harassment.

This is now Year 4, and I feel so behind. I blame my utter lack of a social life. I am not around girls consistantly enough to actually develop a festering crush or rescue them from “jock/jerk” gents who sit on them.

So I turn to you, my mostly imaginary blog audience, to help me out. I will release standards sometime soon; if you happen to know somebody that fits these standards and the person behind the nomde-plume, let me know. Or set me up for a blind (lunch) date. It’ll be fun to get the first date and the rejection done all at once.

Sts. Cyril and Methodius Day (14 February) is my deadline; for some odd reason, women associate a holiday about a couple of guys known for Christianizing the Ukraine and inventing the Cyrillic alphabet with romance. If I do not have a target by then, I’ll just shrug Operation: Yearly Rejection off until I have a social life again. I’d rather be a pathetic 25 year old who has not had a date in 25 years not bothering to try than a pathetic 25 year old who has not had a date in 25 years waiting for someone else to find me one.


2 Responses to “Operation: Yearly Rejection is Overdue…”

  1. DeeMer Says:

    As your only corporeal reader, I’d love to help you out, but it looks like you’ve already been more successful with women-folk than I have. (I’m 24.)

  2. liberexmachina Says:

    So there is a state less successful than being 0 for 3 on attempts to get a first date? I’m sorry.

    You are not my only corporeal reader; you are just one of the few that leave comments (assuming, of course, that coffee and Joel are different individuals and not split personalities of yours).

    But hang in there, little camper. It can always get worse.

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