February 2, 2009
So, I made it almost 24 hours without knowing who won the Super Bowl. I was sitting down, watching The Big Bang Theory, when that scourge, the Walt Disney Company, bought out an ad spot. They had to spoil my ignorance by telling me that the Steelers won, thus giving additional evidence of Satan’s existence.
In acknowledgement of that, I now pronounce some of my ill-will on the head of that faceless, big-eared company, Klinger-style:
- May the “It’s a Small World” ride be filled with trapped children
- May all the Goofy suits spontaneously combust
- May the animatronic “Pirates of the Caribbean” all come to life, pillaging Frontier Land
- May the new China Disney be as lame as Disney’s California Adventure
- May the “Haunted Mansion” be changed from the ride to the Eddy Murphy movie
- May Pixar escape from Disney’s clutches with their original IP, leaving Disney proper bereft of new ideas
- May Figment use his imagination to make the street of Epcot run red with boysenberry syrup
- May the Muppets take MGM, with Kermit ruling over it all with a webbed fist
- May the Ice Gator melt
- May people not realize what the Ice Gator is until after it has melted
That’s more than enough, right?