Adventures in Not-Watching-the-Super-Bowl: A Life of LEM special report

February 1, 2009

6:07 PM – I have no idea when the Super Bowl kicks off, but I’m kicking off my first attempt at liveblogging. And I would have a $1000 if I was on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader”

6:10 PM – $5000.

6:19 PM – Did you know that “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” is rated TV-PG? That means 5th graders should not watch it without their parents. Ironic, huh? And I would have $25,000.

6:32 PM – I think I am going to start working on dinner now. In celebration of my Not-Watching-the-Super-Bowl Adventure, I’m going to use our oven for the first time! Our oven lived in a too-nasty-to-use state from when we have moved in until recently (when we finally broke down and cleaned it until it could be cleaned no more). Cheesy garlic bread makes me happy.

I was just asking the boss if we could pipe spleen shapes on the hydrant cookies at work, and 5th grader asked a spleen question. $175,000 for me.

6:39 PM – The contestant got Jeff! The contestant got Jeff! Ha Ha! And Jeff is berating him for doing so! Oh, and $300,000 for me!

7:02 PM – I would have won a million dollars, but the contestant forgot that 1 is always a common factor. So sad.

7:27 PM – Well, dinner has been over for a while and I am happy to report that the oven functions well enough. Someone remind me to buy a thermometer for it eventually.

8:06 PM – Calling people is mildly amusing. As is watching that dumb Wipeout show.

8:15 PM – Roommate is less fun to call, but he actually is watching the Super Bowl. I guess I can accept his lameness.

8:30 PM – I forgot how humorous the combination of sarcastic hosts and Japanese game show concepts are. I was going to use the word smarmy, but the definition did not fit. Add a cool theme song, and you have television genius. I resolve to call somebody a “ball loving weirdo” sometime tonight.

8:40 PM – Aww. The “ball loving weirdo” is eliminated.

8:45 PM – Called my boss to let him know “the computer is warm on my forehead”. Is that more sad or weird?

8:52 PM – Eww. Cannibalistic M&M’s.

9:06 PM – Chekov and Uhura on an away team? What? Someone did not think they were getting enough screen time…

9: 19 PM – “Goat, Master Thrall” sounds like a good name for a band. If you cannot tell by now, it’s Star Trek time. And the character name is apparently Galt, not Goat.

10:42 PM – Took a break to play my puzzles. Still watching Star Trek. It’s some weird tribal episode (featuring Kirk being bitten by a white monkey with dinosaur back spines and venom). Then I got a call returned. And now, some lady is hitting Spock.

10:46 PM – Bones, I disagree. If the Simpsons’ Halloween Specials have taught us anything, it is that gun violence IS the answer.

10:58 PM – Bones, I disagree again. You can kill computers with lots of water, hammers, cars, ants, explosives, EMP pulses, or many other things. And you call yourself a doctor.

11:02 PM – PBS British Comedy Lineup, it is now your turn to be a poor substitute for actual human interaction.

11:33 PM – Roommate makes a guest appearance. He seems to be missing his shoes. Oh, never mind; he just took them off.

12:13 PM – Well, I guess I better sign off of this attempt at liveblogging. Good night.


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