The King is Dead. Long Live the King!

January 7, 2009


It’sa me, Mari-ack!

So, Wii Sports has finally overcome the original Super Mario Brothers as the best-selling-est video game of all time. It’s kinda sad to see Mario lose his title (though I am a smidgen too young to have really played the original in all it’s 8 bit glory) but it was bound to happen. Some Nintendo marketing  questions arise: Are they going to replace Mario for some random Mii as head marketing icon? Or will Mario be absorbed into the Mii Borg? Are they going to stop the tyranny of Mario Party and non-go-kart Mario sports games sullying the Italian’s good name, to be replaced by awful party/baseball games featuring second class Mii characters? Only time will tell.

In other video game news, PETA sullies the name of Microsoft.

So, PETA thinks that Fable 2 has a strong pro-hippie theme to it because one gets “good” points for eating tofu and “fat” points for eating chicken-fried mutton? Man, PETA is stupid.

For one thing, one can actually play though the whole game without eating tofu (or meat). In fact, the benefits of eating anything is negligible. How one acts like as a landlord has a bigger effect on ones appearance than a meat-eating spree ever would. That, and fruit juice will make you fat (just like meat will!).

Secondly, alcohol has a negative effect on ones “goodness”, but you do not hear the temperance folks praising the game because of that. They realize that (if they are aware of the game, that is), that, just because the game somehow “rewards” people for acting a certain way does not mean that they are actually rewarding people for acting a certain way. Sure, you can look like a svelte, young prince of town by abstaining from meat and playing nice, or you can look like a horrible demon for living a life of sin (you know: fornicating, stealing, extorting, slum-lording, murdering townspeople, drunkenness, et cetera). Guess what the average gamer is going to prefer for their sandbox game?

Thirdly, there are many, many more examples of things PETA does not want to see, such as:

1) The enslavement of animals (exemplia gratia: the pet dog, chicken coops, apiaries)

2) cruelty to animals (exemplia gratia: kicking chickens, punishing pet dog, neglecting to heal dog when it gets injured)

3) stupidity of animals (dog will follow you around, no matter how long you let it limp along instead of healing it)

4) hunting defenseless animals (worth 5 gamerpoints!). Sure it is “evil”, but you only get as many evil points as you do for taking off your clothes and making rude gestures. It is considered a greater evil to kill a townsman, if Fable 1 is any indication (I haven’t killed a defenseless townsman yet, so I can’t be sure)

5) interfering with the environment (killing Balverines instead of letting them feed on their natural food source: stupid townspeople that wander into their territory).

In conclusion, PETA is stupid. I’ll have a full review of Fable 2 whenever I finish it (and I’ll post my review criteria before then). And I’m going to eat a thick ol’ slab of chicken fried mutton next time I fire up the game in tribute.

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