Anti Facebook Statement ‘o the Day!: Censorship

Facebook shut down administrator’s access to their “Impeach Nancy Pelosi” fan page (whatever that nonsense means)! They do not do that to various anti-conservative and anti-American pages and whatnot! Censorship! Bias!

So, Facebook hates all things American, like apple pie and shooting things! When will the madness stop!

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: Barack Obama is on it!

Look! Barack Obama is on Facebook! This magazine took a screenshot of it [Warning: Foreign gibberish ahead]! Barack Obama only endorses evil things, ergo, Facebook is evil!

Tip of the Hat: McCain, The Other McCain

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day: Facebook Destroys Manners

Why else would we need instructional videos like this one?

Tip of the Hat: Moe Lane

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: Twitter Widgets

I have not done one of these in a while, so…

WordPress now allows me to incorporate my (completely imaginary) Twitter account onto my blog site via a new widget. If Facebook was where it is at, would WordPress not design a widget to incorporate my so-called “Facebook status”? I mean, as far as I can tell, Twitter is just a glorified Facebook status bar that you can update via (prohibitory expensive on my cell phone plan) texting.

In other words, this is evidence that Facebook is becoming passe, soon only to be used by elitists who think themselves above a streamlined version of what they are using with cutesy jargon. It will be the Linux of social networking. So why jump on the  bandwagon right before everybody jumps off? Seems ridiculous.

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: So Much Worse Than Collecting Cats

Tip of the Hat: headlines at Big Hollywood

Facebook is boring! And creepy! And destroys marriages! Sometimes with a bloody meat cleaver!

The Weekly Standard says so; so it must be true!

On a slightly less “arguing like a 6 year-old” note, I’m making a Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day category to try and consolidate this particular brand of inanity (with the occasional shift to something approaching a logical argument). This will require some ret-conning of old post titles and categories, just to let you know.

Anti-Facebook Statment o’ the Day!: My Name Is Earl

Somebody would have to create imaginary people if I was going to have dozens of Facebook friends! Darnell had to for Joy in tonight’s My Name is Earl! And Joy is more popular than me since she’s on the TV! People don’t make TV shows starring unpopular people!

See, my logical is irrefutable, since it is circular! Circular logic is the best kind of logic!

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: Neuroscience

Facebook rots your brains!

This neuroscientist/House of Lords lady says it does, so it has to be true! It destroys one’s ability to delay gratification and interact face-to-face! Get off it before your brain reverts to toddler state!

Update: Belated Tip of the Hat to Drudge

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: Facebook Wants Your Soul!

See.

Now I have another reason not to get a Facebook. Not only am I too nerdy to have one, but Facebook will own everything I ever put upon it’s monolithic face for eternity (defined as ’til Jesus comes back) or until they decide to change the licsensing agreement, whatever happens first. That’s one step away from Facebook owning your soul!

It you are already trapped in the Facebook net o’ souls, I’m sorry; but if you are not, resist the “on-line socialization” tempations before you are trapped in their blue bordered trap of doom and red cup pictures.

Anti-Facebook Statement o’ the Day!: Peer Pressure

So, a buddy sent me this today via the e-mail.

I have already partially addressed my wariness towards Facebook, but let me address the main crux of this argument: I should be on Facebook because everybody expects me to. Wasn’t that the main argument the “cool kids” at high school would use to get you to do stupid things? ‘C’mon, everybody else is doing it…’

If I lived like how “everybody” expects me to, I’d be trolling the bars every night looking for floozies and hooch. I mean, is that not what the typical 20 something does with his free time?

And, yes, I realize that I miss out on social goings-on. But joining Facebook is not going to resolve my hermit-like lifestyle. In fact, it would probably make it worse. At least in my current situation, I do not get to read about all these social events that I am missing out on by going to work. I do not have to constantly put forth the effort to send replies of “Thank you for thinking about me, but I have to go to work.” In fact, with Facebook’s typical “send e-vite to everyone” function, the thank you would be facetious; they probably do not realize that they are sending me an invitation to an event they know I would be missing. Why put myself through that level of depression? As the clique goes, “Ignorance is bliss when it is folly to be wise.”

Read a book!

Update:

Now my roommate sends me this. It’s like there is some kind of conspiracy to get me on Facebook.

So, now I should join Facebook so that I can become an on-line recluse? Like a single mom! Because everyone should want to emulate single moms, I exclaim sarcastically.

I think, at least in my case, Facebook would replace actual interaction and that would be a bad thing. I am already socially incompetent enough to where people avoid hanging out with me until they are finally forced to get to know me. I do not need people making the “he’s on Facebook so I don’t have to talk to him” excuse. They would never get forced to be actually around me and I would be left laying on the couch, stabbing furniture, alone all the time.

Read a book! Not Time Magazine, but a book!