What You Should Do With the Hippies at Your Thanksgiving Dinner…

… pilgrim costume optional:

Tip of the Hat: IMAO

Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom: What’s Taking So Long?

Barack Obama bursts into the Secret Cabinet meeting room. He is not pleased. Yew Man is buried neck deep in rich loam in the corner, though he is missing his left eye and most of his face. The Hollywood Shambler is desperately reaching out of his cage, trying to snack a passerby and eat his brains. Steam Moose is passed out in the cage, all of the squirrels trapped in his chassis either eaten or dead. And Professor Key-Os is starring at his teleprompter.

“It’s been over 4 months since I announced my plans to reduce carbon emissions, you ingrates! I’ve won a Nobel Peace Prize by dressing up as Eugene Debs, lost the Olympics by dressing up as Oprah, played a Japanese geisha for a week, and dressed up like the political philosopher Chairman Mao to amuse the Chinese. What is taking so long? Why is Yew Man half dead and potted? Why have you not refilled Steam Moose’s squirrels? Where is Red Mobster? And why do you have my teleprompter?”

“To answer your questions. Yew Man got into a fight with Nancy Pelosi’s Wax Golem. He killed the thing, but was severely dehydrated and Pelosi ate most of his face. She finally mailed him back here a week ago and I was told to plant and water him to get him back to some semblance of good health. Red Mobster and I got the idea to get Congress to do the heavy lifting on your project, so Red Mobster went to petition Pelosi.”

“Was this before or after Yew Man caused trouble?” Obama interuppted.

“Before. Anyways, Pelosi asked him to arm-twist the Blue Dogs and I have not seen him since. Steam Moose’s screams were getting annoying and I wanted to get some peace and quite while trying to finish my round of interviews for Femi-Nazi’s slot. And, at your request, I am trying to interview your teleprompter. It keeps signaling that I should read it’s responses out load, but I refuse on the grounds that it is retarded. Anything else, fearless leader?”

“No. That pretty much answers all my questions.”

“A geisha, you say?”

“I do not want to talk about it.’

***

Red Mobster is still frozen in fear, but the sight of the Blue Dog Coalition’s offices added confusion to the paralysis. The walls were pastel blue, with knock-off pictures of Huckleberry Hound painted here and there. The Blue Dogs were dressed in diapers, drinking bottles and taking nap-times. Aides read them letters from constituents telling them what good boys and girls they are. In one corner, they had a sticker board showing positive and negative feedback (represented by smiley and frowny faces). There were a lot of frowny faces, with more being added by the day. No one bothered the crimson criminal as he stood gaping at the entryway.

Suddenly, the Congressmen started to cry. It was Barack Obama walking up behind him.

“Stop being such a scaredy cat and force them to vote our way. You think these aides let those man-babies play with guns? Get in there!” Obama shoves the scarlet scalawag into the nursery.

“Yeah…, see… You gonna vote the way I tell you… see… or ‘m gonna…”

“Hush,” one of the aides scolded, “You’ll scare the poor things. Look how many frowny faces they have gotten from constituents lately. They know it’s because of the ObamaCare bill and they do not want to be forced into something else their constituents don’t want. Can’t you see how on edge they are? Shoo.”

“But Nancy Pelosi, see…”

The light whimpering from the Congressmen turned into full-on wailing.

“Pelosi scary! She eats babies! Wah!”

“Now you done it. They are going to have nightmares for weeks now.”

“Meh, I didn’t…”

“You’ve done enough harm to their self-esteem. Go bother someone else.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

***

Looks like the Cabinet failed yet again. ObamaCare is costing too much political capital right now to get the ambitious 17% of 1776 emissions plan implemented. The moral of the story: Don’t sit on your hands for a quarter.

Tune in next week to find out who won our little sidebar poll (Voting ends next installment). And be prepared for quite possibly the dumbest, craziest arc yet, with guest stars galore! And a possible theme song!

The Good News, The Bad News, and The Ugly News

Good News: With the advent of apartment Interwebs, I can now connect to X-Box Live. Huzzah, DLC!

Bad News: I am still too cheap for a X-Box Live Gold membership, so I will still not be playing games on-line.

Ugly News: Not that I would get a gold membership anyways, considering my conversation with Tech Support today. Apparently, any achievements/gamerscore you earn while NOT connected to X-Box Live will not count towards an on-line enabled gamercard. Ergo, I have 3 options:

1. Ignore 2 years of console gaming bragging rights
2. Don’t ignore 2 years of console gaming bragging rights, play with the new gamercard and be called a liar.
3. Don’t ignore 2 years of console gaming bragging rights and let the X-Box Live enabled gamercard lie fallow except when I want DLC.

I’m choosing the third. Thanks, Microsoft for putting me betwixt the proverbial Scylla, Charybdis, and Charazard.

Road Trip

I keep seeing Smitty (from that Other McCain) post this following video multiple times. I finally watched it:

Good stuff.

I suppose I should stick a tip of the hat link in. Here is Smitty tearing some ancient Roman apart like so much papyri.

For Those of You Too Lame for Reformation Day…

…Crowder shows that stealing candy from children is harder (and creepier) than it looks:

Tip of the Hat: IMAO

I Was Going to Post The New Crowder Video…

…but decided against it. Crowder parodying Olbermann and cross-dressing just does not feel right. Or relevant.

Here is something that, if not exactly right, is more relevant to my life:

They could ask Destiny… or would that be too catamite of them?

Read a Book!: Brave New World

Brave New World

by Aldous Huxley

I do not quite remember who started my search to read this book (you remind me, I’ll give the appropriate tip of the hat), but I finally found it at a decent price (ironically enough, at the local used book store in Denton) and devoured it in 2 days.

Some of the criticisms aimed against the book are valid (a little too sex focused; what caste was the love interest in?), but the analogy is scarily apt. Big brother coming in the form of hedonistic instant gratification is a tempting beast; one only needs to look at America’s partial descent into it’s arms to see that. I probably would have enjoyed the book a little more if I did not read the forward (Huxley seemed to have missed his point on a couple of things), but it still was a good read.

Read this Book!

This Dog is Racist!

At least, that’s what the liberals would imply.

On another note, who feeds dogs carrots? That’s cruelty to animals.

Tip of the Hat: IMAO

There’s Your Sign

AstroTurfing mob of racists paid off by insurance companies? Well, if this video is any indication, they are at least covering it up by using the dreaded HOMEMADE SIGNS!

Assuming, of course, that you buy the rhetoric that says that the anti-ObamaCare protesters are stooges instead of citizens railing against the machine on their own accord.

Tip of the Hat: Moe Lane

Rorschash and Deapool…

I mean Crowder and Zo

He’s a conservative

Music is not his thing

So I wrote the theme

I’m so talented

Copyright Crowder

Copy and I’ll sue

I think that the song should end right here.

Sorry, had a flashback at the end right there.

Tip of the Hat: IMAO

Oooh! Skull Invasion parody!

That’s what I get for watching the Deadpool “Marvel/DC” videos to get lyrics…