For Those of You Too Lame for Reformation Day…

…Crowder shows that stealing candy from children is harder (and creepier) than it looks:

Tip of the Hat: IMAO

Summer of Disappointment Awards

So, I finished the Summer of Disappointment. Star Trek, Wolverine, Terminator, Transformers, and G.I. Joe. A 5-man band of incompetence. Let’s highlight the worst of the worst.

The Worst Lead Actor Award goes to Terminator. I’m still trying to decide whether John Connor or the robot was the lead. It was that bad.

The Worst Lead Actress Award goes to Mitchell Fox (from Transformers). She cannot act. She cannot pass off as a real-life woman. I’m surprised she can read. There is nothing redeeming about her.

The Worst Supporting Actor Award goes to the racist Autobot twins. Jamaican Jar-Jar did not offend me in the movie theatre. Those two deformed morons did. Unnecessary gold teeth, ebonics, stupid in-fighting, “we can’t read no Cybertronian” all come to mind.

Dishonorable mention goes to Wheelie.Michael Bay found a way to make Wheelie even more annoying: having him dry-hump Mitchell Fox’s leg.

The Worst Supporting Actress goes to the mom from Transformers. Was the pot-brownie scene really necessary? Really?

Dishonorable mention goes to the Decepticon chick. “She smells like diesel.”

Worst Cameo goes to Brendan Frasier. He played either Sgt. Slaughter or Sgt. Flint in G.I. Joe. And by play, I mean drive around on an ATV randomly and then stand, arms folded, laughing at Snake Eyes beating the snot out of Duke. It was surreal. Fan moments need to be integrated into the movie better, Hollywood; if I cannot figure out who the guy is supposed to be, it does not make me feel acknowledged.

Worst Special Effects goes to Wolverine. The “Whoa, shiny claws” bathroom scene and the creepy de-aging of Patrick Stewart stands out.

Worst Ret-con goes to Wolverine. I’m not sure if this is for “Blob has an eating disorder” or “We gotta justify putting Cyclops in the movie somehow…”. But it’s for one of those two.

Worst Politically Correct Moment goes to Terminator. There is a series of barely hidden jabs against fighting terrorists that spews out of John Connor’s mouth before he heads off to the big anti-climatic naked Arnold battle.

Dishonorable mention goes to Wolverine. Agent Zero is an East German. They made him Asian. This is especially heinous considering: 1) Zero was a bad guy 2) East Germans are an ethnicity that Hollywood is normally okay with making the bad guys (if you need examples, picture one of Nazi movies galore Hollywood still makes). There was no real justification for doing so.

Biggest Plot Hole goes to G.I. Joe. Why did Destro need to steal back the nano-tech weapons? Could he not just have a “lab accident” or a staged break-in? I mean, come on.

and finally…

Worst Movie of the Summer: Transformers.

Shape up next time, Hollywood, or I will continue to just wait until things hit the $2 theatre.

No, I Have Not Fallen Off the Face of the Earth, Part II

Has it really been over a month since I posted anything?

Well, I’m still alive (as far as I can tell) and still working two jobs. I still have not gotten used to trying to write anything substantial after a 50-60 hour workweek. The only reason I’m writing anything now is that I’m stuck at work for 8 hours on a Saturday; Saturday morning classes are notoriously under-attended, especially during big holidays (like Reformation Day), so I have time to spare.

So, what has happened over the past month?

• I got off the parent’s car insurance and need to find the time to finish the title transfer. After that, I’m completely off the apron strings, for better or worse.
• I caught a throat/sinus infection during Homecoming. Half a paycheck went to the medical profession to get that diagnosis. Our stupid third-party payer system makes health care way too expensive (and believe me, it will be worse if the government becomes the only third-payer in town…).
• I finally got around to watching G.I. Joe, thus completing the Summer of Disappointment.
• One of the reasons I instituted my “11th commandment” rule (Little Green Football’s Charles Johnson) either went completely off the deep end or everybody else in the blogosphere noticed how crazy he is. It got so bad that the other reason I instituted the aforementioned rule (Allahpundit of Hot Air) threw in a couple of jabs. Other people documented it as it was happening. I just thought I should note it.
• Rio got the 2016 Olympics. I’m happy about that, but not in the Nelson laugh towards Obama way the media tried to spin it. If the Olympics are supposed to be about countries getting together in the spirit of friendly competition, we should be spreading the hosting wealth around. In the past 25 years, the U.S. hosted the Olympics thrice; the entire Southern Hemisphere has only hosted the Olympics twice (Rio will be the Southside’s third Olympics). If a country is able to provide the support to be able to host the Olympics, they should be given an opportunity even if that means the U.S. needs to step back every now and then. Of course, I could be wrong about the whole point of the exercise…
• A new nadir in Nobel Peace Prizes has been reached. While it could be argued (falsely) that universal nuclear disarmament would result in a more peaceful world, Obama has yet to accomplish anything making that particular windmill more a reality. At least Gore made a successful documentary about stopping global warming to get his Peace Prize. I’m sure that the Nobel Committee will come up with something to top the embarrassment of this year’s award (Iran’s leadership winning one for nuking Israel?), but still…

That’s all the updates I can think of.