(Pathetic) Adventures in Board Games: Round 2
April 30, 2009
Clarence became free to move in time to battle the Snails on Speed. With his chainsaw ablazing, it was going swimmingly until an Overbear wandered into the pit. The combined might of the “toy” and the snails was too much. A red “-2″ hovered over him; he quickly bound his wounds (a green “+2″ hovered over him after he did so) and prepared to run away.
He made it to the Hall of Shame, but not without dropping his cards and taking another hit from the bear. He searched the room, finding 300 gold.
He headed towards the Hall of Mirrors. He fought the dreaded Gazebo which killed Thaddeus only one round ago. His chainsaw cut the Gazebo to ribbons. A gold “Level 3″ hovered over him as the Gazebo changed into a Healing Potion and some worthless spiked boots. He stuck the potion to his belt and was frozen by the disembodied voice.
***
The Large, Angry Chicken fell into the Spiked Pit and the Snails zoomed to the Wall of Shame. The rest of the monsters were too amused by their current locations to leave.
***
Warwick found 300 gold in the Mead Hall. He then headed west.
He walked into a room with various maps and plans to nuke the mythic land of Cleveland (home of a terrible taxi driving duck). Though Warwick could not read the hovering “War Room” sign, he knew he liked the room. A Tentacle Demon was to one of the sides, planning to conquer the world (as all purple tentacles are wont to do); Warwick was, again, ignored.
He continues west. The next room has a massive number of straw-stuffed hero dummies, covered in burns, teeth marks, and various drools. Warwick sees that this is a Monster Training Room; why would monsters need to train? A Shadow Nose dissolved right as he entered the room. So, Warwick pretty much wasted his turn.
***
Ironically enough, the Bullrog, Tentacle Monster, and King Tut all decide that they want to train. The Snails on Speed zoom into the Stinking Pit. The Overbear and Large, Angry Chicken did not bother to try and escape the spiked pit.
***
William battles the Snails on Speed when he was free to move. The malodorous air caused the Snails to grow a thick mat of hair, making them even more dangerous. It was quite a battle, but William prevailed. A gold “Level 4″ hovered over him and the Hairy Snails on Speed changed into a Door Diddling Scroll and a Greater Potion of Insubstantiality; he sticks them on his belt and headed north.
The room he entered was a Gym. “A gym?” pronounced William with a long ‘i’ sound. He saw a Goldfish and Mr. Bones boxing. “Oh, a gym,” understood William, again mispronouncing ‘gym’.
He jumped into the fray, handily beating both puny monsters. He eats the goldfish corpse and a golden “Level 5″ (with an equally golden “+1 hit”) hovers over him. He collects the worthless elven flip-flops and emerald bane ring.
He searches the room to find 300 gold and a Big Lock. A brown “Ransacked” hovers below the “Gym” sign.
***
The monsters all stayed put.
***
Tune in next week for Round 3
Chuck Norris Public Service Announcement #5
April 29, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, Chuck Norris:
“I, Chuck Norris, declare war on public education. It pollutes the minds of our children and makes them unfit to perform those tasks necessary for good citizenship like balancing a checkbook, reading a written proclamation by their Philosopher-King, voting for officials the Philosopher-King deems unworthy of his direct appointment, or roundhouse kick a traitor in the face through a mile-thick wall. In fact, children would be better off without any education than to be filled with the indoctrination that goes by the name “public education”. We must crush the public school system before it is too late.
Private schools can still be around for those parents too lazy to teach their children directly (I personally home schooled the 1000′s of children I have conceived in between my exploits). But the public school halls will run red with the union-enslaved educators that refuse to bow to my demands of unilateral surrender!
Who can possibly stop me? I sired 1000′s of children, most of whom serve as officers in my new Texas Ranger corp, guarding our borders from pesky Okies. I force-fed them all the knowledge of the universe within minutes using a funnel, a spinal tap, and my almost unlimited telepathic powers. I am willing to do the same for any child hampered by the public school system.
So, to war against public schools, or prepared to be destroyed!”
The more you know… the less likely you will be annihilated by the most deadly mortal ever to live, Chuck Norris
America is DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!
April 28, 2009
Yes, all those O’s were necessary.
What was saving America was 2 Senate seats; 2 Senate seats now in Democratic hands.
First, Al Franken looks to have shenanigan-ed his way into Norm Coleman’s Senate seat. Coleman is trying some counter-shenanigans, but it will probably be too little, too late.
And now, Arlen Specter goes to his socialism lover’s embrace.
The one bright spot in all this. We have a 95% chance that whoever replaces Specter in his Minority Chair positions will do a better job of not being a commie-appeaser than Specter did.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Man, I Have Been Posting Alot of Videos Lately…
April 27, 2009
…and here is another one:
Hooray, Deadpool! Even if this version turns out to be a ret-con, this one is bound to be better than the Marvel Ultimate Universe version. He can cut bullets in two whilst they are comin’ after him. And, I am assuming, he is not a cyborg.
More Video Fun!
April 27, 2009
Pistols for Pandas, ’cause they need all the firepower they can get!
Now that is the kind of eco-cult charity I can support. Of course, we need to add a final step: use my guns to steal the pandas’ guns, thus increasing my gun load for 5 measly dollars.
