Barack Obama and His Cabinet of Doom: The Colonel of Truth

The first blow The Colonel of  Truth lands on the now belligerent Obama is a verbal one.

“Do you hate America so much that you wish it brought down, Mr. President? If you do, why not just disbar the military? Are you so much of a coward that you cannot destroy us overtly?”

The second blow the colonel lands is a physical one, to Obama’s face. Obama was so jarred by the unadulterated truth that he forgot to use the power of his empty suit to become intangible. He falters back in fear as the rest of his cabinet charges forth.

Femi-Nazi swings at the Colonel, but he uses his military-trained reflexes to evade, grabbing her arm and locking it behind her back. He whispers, “That uniform makes you look both whorish and unattractive.” A look of disgust washes over her face as the colonel throws her into the Red Mobster, who finally emerged for Air Force One using a ladder of paper napkins he assembled instead of the stairs. They are both knocked out cold.

Yew Man fires a pair of sharpened sticks at the colonel, one of which goes deep into the colonel’s thigh. As the tree-man loads another barrage, the colonel puts 3 rounds in his chest from his sidearm. “And that is why the crossbow is obsolete.”

Obama finally overcomes his fear of the honest soldier. “Professor Key-os, wheel out the Hollywood Shambler. We need to get this soldier to see ‘our side’ of the situation.”

Professor Key-os complies, using the handicap ramp to bring the Hollywood Shambler, strapped to a dolly and wearing an iron mask, into the fight.

“Is that a zombie?”

The colonel unloads the rest of his clip into the Shambler as Professor Key-os, huddling behind the undead mass of flesh, brings him closer to the injured soldier. The zombie remains unfazed, still struggling to get out of its restraints. The colonel starts limping away while trying to put in a new clip, but the glowing PhD is faster. Professor Key-os drops the dolly on the injured officer,  the zombie pinning him to the ground.

“You should not get away with this, sir. If you do, it will be because of America’s blindness to your evil. I hope someone is able to stop you before it is too late.”

The professor touches both the zombie and the soldier, turning both into half zombies. Since nothing can be half-undead, they both start being completely corrupted again. The Hollywood Shambler could only get out a weak scream of “Kill me” before all it could do again is moan.

Obama starts to walk towards the underground detention cells as Professor Key-os puts a clip from the Colonel’s gun into the former soldier’s brain.

***

Barack Obama addresses the crowd of super-terrorists.

“Here me, my friends! I am here to free you and finance your future endeavours. In exchange, you will work for me; I will pick your targets for you. And believe me, you will enjoy the targets I pick for you. Are these terms agreeable to you?”

“Why should we trust you, Kafir? You deny Allah like your father.  Why should we not destroy you, as it would be pleasing to Allah?”

“Would you consider my financing as my dutiful payment of the jizya?”

“Very well, Dhimmi, we will accept your subjugation and we will play your game for now. Let us free.”

***

The Secret Cabinet releases the terrorists and locks up the former guards. Guantanamo has been unofficially “closed”. Air Force One takes off to the sound of terrorists killing Americans in the background.

***

Obama employing terrorists? What horrible deed will he do next? Find out next week!